I am just about coming out of the first awful phase of the cycle, and had my last injection tonight- Hoorah!
No more naughty Nigel stabbing me in the stomach with a sharp stick!
My tongue is absolutely revolting and furry and my taste buds are really playing up this time, but I have only 2 weeks to go until I start feeling muuuuuch better.
My hair has started growing back (well, with the eye of faith I can detect some fuzzy stubble) but I have given up with the wig this week due to the chemically induced hot flushes which are driving me mental! I oscillate between freezing and roasting, and there doesn't seem to be much in between, so I sit with a hat and a blanket and keep putting them on and taking them off- oh, how it whiles away the time.........
The next phase is for me to have another MRI scan, as it is the most reliable measure of how much the lump has shrunk. Then I will meet with the surgeon- provisionally on the 8th august- to discuss options for permanent disfigurement.
Dignity and vanity disappeared a long time ago, so I feel surprisingly cool at the moment, but maybe when my brain cells wake up I will feel differently about it all.
We are off to New Wine tomorrow, to sit in a caravan for a week in Newark, so hopefully will be nice 'chill time' with family and friends, and a relaxing break before the next load of treatment starts......

Kathi is coming- woohoo!!

I had the last chemo today, and all went well, so I just have to get through another 10 day hangover before I start climbing up the other side and back to normality.
When we were in the States I had a personal trainer who lived in the next cul-de-sac, and we became good friends. She would kick my butt in the day, and we would drink margaritas and mudslides in the evenings!
Ever since she heard I had cancer she has been desperate to fly over and hold my hand and look after me, almost perilously booking a ticket before remembering she would need a passport!! However, her passport is now winging its way to her, and she will soon be winging her way to me. HOORAY!!
No small coincidence that she will arrive as my steroids have finished, and my taste buds will be back- so I will be up for some light exercise (and some heavy drinking- tee hee!!). We chatted for an hour the other night and I was lamenting about my steroid weight gain. Kathi's response?- oh that's just a big poop and a couple of trips on the treadmill!! That's what I love about you Kathi- relentless optimism!!
SO, I am already enjoying plotting day trips which will incorporate some sort of activity- to counteract the Yorkshire Puddings, fish and chips, and margaritas, and REALLY looking forward to living life again for a few weeks before surgery.

Last one looming...

Tomorrow I go down for my last blood test/ check-up and final chemo on thursday. At each check-up they measure the tumour to see if it is shrinking. It has reduced slightly, but so far it is not under 5cm- which is the magic number we are aiming for.
At the beginning we were told there was a chance that the lump could be removed without a full mastectomy, but only if it shrank considerably. Last time I was disappointed to see it had not gone under 5 cm , but was told that it is now unlikely to contain any live cancer cells, and more likely to be just residual fibrous tissue, which is encouraging, but not encouraging enough, as I would still like to avoid a mastectomy if possible.
Our family prayer is that the surgeon gets to use an ice cream scoop and not a bacon slicer!!

New Trick!!

Well!!!
I have recently discovered why we have nasal hair......
It is actually very strangely cold without hair- so I am glad it is ' summer' as inhaling is very draughty- almost like using a Vicks sinus stick!
But the other fun thing is that now my nostrils stick together like suction pads!!!!
Don't ask how I discovered it, but it is providing endless entertainment for the kids. Nigel thinks I look like I have had major surgery, and the kids think it looks like a bird's beak!
Bizarrrrrrre!

Look good, feel better....

Today I had a makeover, courtesy of the charity 'Look good, feel better'. All patients at the Weston Park are offered an afternoon of beauty tips and makeup lessons, and are given a HUGE bag of complimentary cosmetics from the big names- Chanel, Yves St Laurent, Clinique etc. The idea is to make women who have lost hair, eyelashes, eyebrows etc feel attractive again. I quite enjoyed the session, and particularly liked seeing the transformation of other women- some of whom admitted to not wearing cosmetics in over 30 years, and were almost unrecognisable at the end of the afternoon.
I came away with face care, makeup and fragrance which apparently is all worth about £250, and so is a wonderful treat. The contents of the bags vary as donations are not predictable, and so it is always a surprise for the demonstrators to see the goodies.
They were most excited by todays fragrance- Dior's 'Pure Poison' !!!
'How fabulous' one declared.
And there was me thinking I had had enough of poison without dabbing it on daily..........

I have turned the corner when it comes to feeling 'green', but am still quite tired and drained. I am, however, managing to get back in to work part time, and am busy making list upon list for the trip to New Wine. The kids and Nigel are going, and I may end up there, lying on a caravan bed in the rain!!! But, somehow, it is still my responsibility to organise them- and, to be honest, I would feel better knowing they had taken everything with them. So, I am actually quite enjoying the stimulus and focus of something other than a battle with cancer drugs- I am really bored of that one now!!
And life continues to be ridiculously hectic around me- it is hard to put everything on hold indefinitely, as you can just feel it mounting up and becoming even more stressful. Still, three more weeks and I should be coming out of the final phase of bleurggh- hopefully never to be repeated again!!!!

Still green.....

As much as I am excited there is only one more chemo to go, when I am in the middle of the bleurghh I can't imagine that I have to do this all over again!!. My nails are hurting again, the aches are shooting round my legs, I have the revolting taste in my mouth, and I am basically lying on the sofa feeling green.
I do not even have the capacity to read a book, as my concentration is so limited.
Yesterday I decided to check out daytime TV!!! Discovered there is not much on, so for some masochistic reason stuck to the cooking channel. Somehow watching people cooking and eating seemed to make up for the fact that I cannot taste anything. I am surviving on bland foods as they don't seem to get so distorted by the coating on my tongue- so jacket potatoes, cheese on toast, crisps and ice cream all work really well- but can't face fruit or vegetables as they are so acidic and bitter. Add to the increase of steroids and increase of appetite and it is a good job I only have one cycle left, as I will be absolutely HUGE if I carry on at this rate!!